My entire life I have been the one to "save" others from themselves or situations. Fixing them. It was my purpose in life (it appears!) BUT, little did I realize that the more I tried to save another, the more I needed saving. As it was ME that needing fixing and saving and no amount of fixing someone else was going to do THAT!
Being focused on THEIR issues,, THEIR problems kept me not focused on MY issues or MY problems. Once I learned to stop worrying about saving the world in that aspect, I started to SEE my own stuff more clearly. First, there was nothing WRONG with me. I just needed to learn to have more respect for myself, love myself, feel that I was worthy, and be true to myself. Most of all I had to trust myself. On the outside for others looking in, I was the epitamy of strength. Little did I know that the "stronger" I was, the more walls I had, the more issues I also had. Those walls of strength meant I felt I needed to protect myself. Protect myself from others, but most of all from myself. The more walls, the more there is to break through when going through this process of growth. The bigger the "ego" the harder we fall. It's ok, as it only had to be as hard as I made it. And believe me, I made it really hard. But it taught me more than I could have learned any other way. Let's just say there was no "ease & grace" in my fall from "way up there in my ego-world of strength".
I also had to go through like a million step program in the "death of my ego". I had to argue with it, get angry at it, quit talking to it, blame it, distrust it, disown it, fear it, beg it not to leave me, chastise it, throw it against the wall several times, grieve it (bigtime), learn to love it, separate from it, forgive it, accept it, take responsibility for it, get angry at it a few times more and finally understand that I really don't have a place for it anymore and LET IT GO! Does it still try to interfere, take over, run things, create fear & distrust, make me confused? Yes, but now I recognize it, thank it and let it go (much easier than before!) But that too takes conscious effort 24/7 when it has been such a prevalent force in our lives. It doesn't like to be abandoned. So I don't abandon it, I just don't entertain it when it doesn't support me in a positive way!
So fast forward.... as I have worked through my issues, embraced them for the lesson they were meant to teach me, and learned to let them go, one by one... I have come to "see" that I no longer see the need to fix another, save another.... because I no longer need to fix me or save me. I have come to a place to just "be" and that is exactly perfect. In doing so though, I now can access on a totally different level that ability to heal another. I no longer heal by fixing. I heal just by being.
Being focused on THEIR issues,, THEIR problems kept me not focused on MY issues or MY problems. Once I learned to stop worrying about saving the world in that aspect, I started to SEE my own stuff more clearly. First, there was nothing WRONG with me. I just needed to learn to have more respect for myself, love myself, feel that I was worthy, and be true to myself. Most of all I had to trust myself. On the outside for others looking in, I was the epitamy of strength. Little did I know that the "stronger" I was, the more walls I had, the more issues I also had. Those walls of strength meant I felt I needed to protect myself. Protect myself from others, but most of all from myself. The more walls, the more there is to break through when going through this process of growth. The bigger the "ego" the harder we fall. It's ok, as it only had to be as hard as I made it. And believe me, I made it really hard. But it taught me more than I could have learned any other way. Let's just say there was no "ease & grace" in my fall from "way up there in my ego-world of strength".
I also had to go through like a million step program in the "death of my ego". I had to argue with it, get angry at it, quit talking to it, blame it, distrust it, disown it, fear it, beg it not to leave me, chastise it, throw it against the wall several times, grieve it (bigtime), learn to love it, separate from it, forgive it, accept it, take responsibility for it, get angry at it a few times more and finally understand that I really don't have a place for it anymore and LET IT GO! Does it still try to interfere, take over, run things, create fear & distrust, make me confused? Yes, but now I recognize it, thank it and let it go (much easier than before!) But that too takes conscious effort 24/7 when it has been such a prevalent force in our lives. It doesn't like to be abandoned. So I don't abandon it, I just don't entertain it when it doesn't support me in a positive way!
So fast forward.... as I have worked through my issues, embraced them for the lesson they were meant to teach me, and learned to let them go, one by one... I have come to "see" that I no longer see the need to fix another, save another.... because I no longer need to fix me or save me. I have come to a place to just "be" and that is exactly perfect. In doing so though, I now can access on a totally different level that ability to heal another. I no longer heal by fixing. I heal just by being.
Original Post: 2/13/12
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