As I watch the world go by at a slower pace (this is what happens when I step back from the chaos & don't take part, just observe)... things slow down so I can actually "see". Being caught in the chaos, we get caught up in that energy of confusion, fear, control.... we participate even when we don't realize it. So, I step back. I observe. I choose not to participate. It is actually quite refreshing!
Time gets distorted, as chaos causes things to spin out of control so fast that we lose our grip. Then our control issues, or need to try to hang on, kick in and we run in faster circles... to what end?
The illusion of control is fascinating. It is the opposite of trusting. I choose trust. But it took a long time to get to that point. Easy to say, but not as easy to do (or is it?).
First, I had to get over myself. I had to learn that I had no control. Yet again, another perception that I needed to feed to feel "good". I didn't understand that I didn't feel "good". It was my perception of safety. If I could control it, everything could be perfect, right? Things would go the way I wanted/needed. Yeah... right. lol As soon as I learned to let go of control, get out of my way, trust... things started to go/flow perfectly. It was only when I interfered that things got messed up. Wow, that took a lot to digest. But then again, that was my ego that I needed to feed. Lack of control is not failure. Lack of control is not losing anything. Letting go of control allowed me to pay attention to other things; The little things in life that I normally would have missed because I was so focused on the things that didn't matter.
Now, I wake up and immediately breathe in a deep breath and enjoy it. Now I get up & look out the window and am thankful for the sun, or the trees, or the wind, or the rain. Doesn't matter, because I am just thankful. I pay attention to "people" as I pass them on the street. Before I was too "busy". My brain was in the past or the future, not in the present. Now I release my brain, my thoughts from needing to think about the past, as that serves no purpose (other than to learn from experiences). I do not focus on the outcome of anything, for if I am living here & now, doing what I need to do, enjoying every moment.... I realize I actually don't control the future. Am I perceptive enough to "see" it? Only if I don't try. When I try, my intellect gets in the way. Just "being" allows me the access to all of the information I need. In order to connect to spirit, higher-self, whatever... I have to let go. I have to just "be".
I hear people say (I used to do this too!), I want to grow my abilities. I wanna see. I want to "know". I am "trying". That is exactly the problem. As long as we are thinking, trying... we can't. We have to disconnect from self, to go to that place. For me, I have to connect with my heart. The more love I feel for people, the more I help another, the more I am true to self (integrity, honor, respect, honesty), the more I am able to connect. For others it may be different. This is what works for me. I don't "try" to do anything. I do the opposite. I let go, connect to and open my heart & let it flow.
letting go of all judgment of others & self, total acceptance of others and self... it can be done. We just have to make a conscious effort to override what is "easy & natural" when we don't possess these things so that we can! Repeated, continual, every moment of every day... being conscious of our words and thoughts. But being conscious is not enough. Actually recognizing, owning & changing them. That is where the difference lies. I can be aware, but if I say "oh well, tomorrow"... I hold on to that same mentality that got me there to start with. Procrastination is fear of failure or success... "it's too hard"... no, that is perception. We create our own perceptions.
Happy New Year Everyone! Embrace yourself ~ Treat others with respect & love at all times. The biggest obstacles are our biggest teachers and can be the most rewarding. But if we stand in our way, we will never know. Allow yourself to be happy, to love, to live....
Original Post: 12/31/11
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