Multi-Dimensional Experiences

A very appropriate day to post about "leaping" or "traveling" on Leap Day!

Over the last several weeks, I have been experiencing the most lucid, vivid dreams. I have started a new dream journal and set my intention before I sleep to be given the information that serves the highest & best good for all, to remember what I am to remember, and to receive information to help me. 

I also wake up very early usually now (much different from the reversed day/night person a year ago that slept, but needed to so my body could heal all of my chronic issues, which are now gone!) except lately I wake up in the middle of a phenomenal dream so I choose to go back to sleep to continue the experience & to "work" within my dreams.

This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up, confused, in the middle of a phenomenal dream of just healing & love... didn't know what day it was, didn't care... so I chose to go back to sleep to "continue" and see where it went.  An hour and a half later I just opened my eyes & was "done". 

When I awoke, eyes wide open, I was in the middle of an "experience" of being led by a "man" who was teaching me about the "group" and how to use them to "travel through time & dimensions" and to use this for healing. "It's easy" he said as he kept walking in a forward motion & giving me "steps" to accomplish this "easy" thing. I get it, but I don't know how to explain it yet. I have to go back, pull back the information and decypher what I was given to be able to apply it. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to allow myself to "experience" it for now. So we shall see. 

I knew I was being "taught" and knew to pay attention. There were some other key "points" that I notice but don't understand yet. Going to delve further and see what I find.

So many wonderful experiences lately. The biggest is to pay attention & to trust. The only obstacles I have are the ones I create or allow!

Original Post: 2/29/12

Our Distorted Ego as a Protection Tool

Obviously, I write as I begin to understand certain things, receive certain thoughts or even work through things I get until I "get" them. This is one of those posts.

The Ego as our protection. If the ego forms to protect us, then wouldn't it stand to reason that the more trauma, the more our ego feels the need to protect? If that is the case, with extreme trauma, our ego goes into "distortion" mode and actually reverses. It starts to see things with a distorted view. It "perceives" normal things as threats, invoking fear. So when there is tons of "those things" (i.e. the news or lots of negativity) it goes into hyper-drive. It perceives what others see as "normal" as a threat. So it kicks into self-protection mode... extreme fear, extreme "you can't succeed", extreme negativity, extreme everything? Forego the lows & highs.... extreme lows when it goes to one extreme, extreme highs when it is not in protective mode? When we feel "safe", it goes the complete opposite direction? Isn't this what anxiety, depression, bi-polar are? As we dissolve the "protection" features (not the ego itself, but the protection mechanism/need it possesses) and bring it back into alignment with self-acceptance, that we have nothing to fear, that that is self-created, many of those "disorders" also dissipate. Hmmmmm.... 

I have talked to so many (including myself) who suffered from severe "mental" disorders such as overwhelming anxiety, bi-polar, extreme depression.... and through dealing with the demons that we have suppressed all of our years that caused our ego to feel the need to "protect" us (but by having complete distortion it went into crazy hyperdrive) our psychological issues grew from just a little bit of a problem to massively out of control.

As I dealt with the fears associated with my past and worked really hard to stop listening to the distortion of protection the anxiety went away (among many other things). I was severely agoraphobic, unable to leave my apartment to even go to the grocery store, or open the blinds. It was too overwhelming. I was stricken by fear but had no idea why. There was no one thing I feared. Maybe all the years of trauma just finally got the best of my ego and it decided to go into overdrive to protect me? As I worked through the actuality of the traumas, released myself & others from blame, took responsibility, forgave self & others, the need for my ego to protect me started to diminish. And day by day it "quietened down" so that it was no longer dominant, but rather docile, in its existence. It's still there, and it kicks in every time I perceive a threat. The difference is that my perception has completely changed. I don't perceive threats any longer. By coming into perfect alignment, everything is balanced and I no longer have extremes.

A couple of examples:

I have watched those who watch the new incessantly to keep "up to date" on the activities of the world. Those who have severe trauma in their background where issues have not resolved, feed into the hate & discontent, fear-based, conspiracy theories that literally EVERYTHING involves. Now, I am not saying that they are not there, all I am saying is that the "normal" brain hears these things and dismisses them. The distorted mind/ego takes these things and "runs" with them into every "theory" of awfulness that they can create. The pain & anger alone deriving from just watching the news can create the news "junkie" looking for an "emotional" fix but can actually further damage their psyche if it is not in balance. 

I don't watch the news or read the newspaper. This used to be because it was too overwhelming. Now it's just because I choose not to feed into the lower-vibrational thought frequencies that feed this level of consciousness. The more thoughts (energy), the more strength this vibration has. I prefer to connect on a higher consciousness level and contribute to the positive and healing thoughts & mass of consciousness that is working to change/heal the world. 

Question: If mine (and everyone's) thoughts manifest instantly into the mass consciousness and our reality, then what thoughts are being entertained, manifesting as our reality and which mass consciousness are we contributing to on a daily/hourly/daily basis? I am connecting to a much higher level every day as I continue to grow & release all of those old thought patterns that were learned & formed to create the reality that kept me in fear, can't accomplish, not good enough, everyone will hurt or betray you mode.... 

Now I actually have a hard time accessing any of those thought processes except to "study" and learn from as they are no longer a part of my consciousness level. I can look at them and see them, but I don't feel them anymore. I can recognize them, but they no longer own me or control me. It truly is awesome. It does take alot of work to be fully aware 24/7, but eventually IT becomes normal and all of those low-end thoughts that fed our distorted world are released and repalced with peace, love, perfection, honesty, forgiveness and just pure bliss! 

More later.... just thinking with my fingers.... :)

Original Post: 2/14/12

Ego Detox: Funerals

Recently we had a "funeral" for a friend who's relationship had ended with her boyfriend and she wasn't able to "put it to rest" and end it in her head. It helped, but ultimately the "work" was up to her, but the process of the funeral allowed her to speed up the process a bit. What could have lingered on for months, only went on for a few weeks (then on & off for a couple months) until she could come to a place of acceptance. We actually wore all black, had her write a eulogy, "bury" stuff that released her from the attachment.... and so forth. It was actually very liberating for her!

Death of the Ego is much of the same. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to check ourselves into a center where we could dextox quicker from the addiction of our ego? Or to be able to have a funeral to put it to rest when we are having trouble letting go?

Now you know my brain is in crazy mode, but hey.... I think it, I write it. Sometimes it can be fun! :)

Original Post: 2/13/12

Exercise in Thought

Quick exercise: Think of one person who urks you the very most, gets under your skin the most, irritates you the most... can cause a reaction in you the quickest, strongest..... now, what quality in them do you dislike (or worse) the most? Now look within yourself and find that quality. 

It is the things in others that affect us the most that are a reflection of the things we like least about ourselves! Otherwise, we would not care!

Original Post: 2/13/12

Saving Self: No Longer Focused on Another

My entire life I have been the one to "save" others from themselves or situations. Fixing them. It was my purpose in life (it appears!) BUT, little did I realize that the more I tried to save another, the more I needed saving. As it was ME that needing fixing and saving and no amount of fixing someone else was going to do THAT!

Being focused on THEIR issues,, THEIR problems kept me not focused on MY issues or MY problems. Once I learned to stop worrying about saving the world in that aspect, I started to SEE my own stuff more clearly.  First, there was nothing WRONG with me. I just needed to learn to have more respect for myself, love myself, feel that I was worthy, and be true to myself. Most of all I had to trust myself. On the outside for others looking in, I was the epitamy of strength. Little did I know that the "stronger" I was, the more walls I had, the more issues I also had. Those walls of strength meant I felt I needed to protect myself. Protect myself from others, but most of all from myself. The more walls, the more there is to break through when going through this process of growth. The bigger the "ego" the harder we fall. It's ok, as it only had to be as hard as I made it. And believe me, I made it really hard. But it taught me more than I could have learned any other way. Let's just say there was no "ease & grace" in my fall from "way up there in my ego-world of strength". 

I also had to go through like a million step program in the "death of my ego". I had to argue with it, get angry at it, quit talking to it, blame it, distrust it, disown it, fear it, beg it not to leave me, chastise it, throw it against the wall several times, grieve it (bigtime), learn to love it, separate from it, forgive it, accept it, take responsibility for it, get angry at it a few times more and finally understand that I really don't have a place for it anymore and LET IT GO! Does it still try to interfere, take over, run things, create fear & distrust, make me confused? Yes, but now I recognize it, thank it and let it go (much easier than before!) But that too takes conscious effort 24/7 when it has been such a prevalent force in our lives. It doesn't like to be abandoned. So I don't abandon it, I just don't entertain it when it doesn't support me in a positive way!

So fast forward.... as I have worked through my issues, embraced them for the lesson they were meant to teach me, and learned to let them go, one by one... I have come to "see" that I no longer see the need to fix another, save another.... because I no longer need to fix me or save me.  I have come to a place to just "be" and that is exactly perfect. In doing so though, I now can access on a totally different level that ability to heal another. I no longer heal by fixing. I heal just by being. 

Original Post: 2/13/12

We Create Our Own Reality

Lately I have been reflecting on "my reality" and I what I have been creating for me, past/present/future. I no longer look at my past as a "victim" of anything. I see it as something I chose to learn from, and so from that standpoint, I can then ask "what did I learn?".  If I "get it" then I have learned. If I don't, then well, sure that one will come around again! Even though I can intellectually look at each situation and "pick it apart", that is not really learning. That is my ego trying to understand, place blame, whatever.... because if I go into that mode, I truly didn't learn. Learning is "feeling" it in my heart. Really getting it. It's not about what someone did to me, it's what I got from it. Technically no one can "do" to us, as we do to ourselves and look to them to blame. Mine is mine 100%!

Now, that being said, in current situations, I have to look at them and ask myself "why am I experiencing this and what am I to learn"? What I might get today, might be an even bigger lesson tomorrow (and it usually is). If I am "caught" in a situation, I have to ask, "why do I allow this?". What part of me "needs" this? And what need am I feeding? Once I realize the dysfunctional reason as to why I would subject myself to "that", I can start to change it. It is not about the other person. It is that I allow this other person or situation to affect me. Some are positive exchanges. Some are not. It's up to me to decide (and change) the ones that no longer serve the higher good for all involved.  So, from that standpoint, that includes ME in the higher good. If I can't say that this is something that benefits me, then why would I continue to participate or allow that exchange. Then I have to determine if it was to "help" another. Ok, maybe so. But am I really helping another if I am feeding into the dysfunction? NO. So, it no longer comes about reacting to anyone or anything. It is finally taking my own power back, stopping anything that doesn't contribute to mine or another's growth process and removing myself from that situation with love. I can always love self and others, without participating in contributing to the dysfunction or behaviors contributing to that situation. I actually cause more harm to self & others by staying in that type situation. It used to be hard for me to stand up for myself, as I felt guilty. Yet another reason that kept me involved in low-end situations. Now I can see the bigger picture and can actually step back and see that at some point in time there has to be an end. Sometimes it is hard for the other person to understand that, but THEIR need to hold on, to keep me involved on the level that I previously participated is their issue and their own growth process. For me, I have to do what is right for all involved. Is there an equal exchange of positive energy for all in that situation? Am I contributing to the growth process by enabling another. NO.

On another note, I have seen a definite change in myself and those I draw to myself based upon my vibrational level at that time in my growth process. There has been a huge change (in a wonderful way)! That is another thing, paying attention to my vibrational frequency in every situation, around people. If I am operating at a really high vibrational frequency and a situation or person enters my energetic field and causes that to drop dramatically, that alone tells me instantly that I need to change the frequency or remove myself from what drags my frequency down. There are people who subconsciously or consciously try to pull another's vibration down to match theirs. Others operate by manipulating the energy of those they come into contact with. By recognizing it I no longer have the desire or need to allow that to affect my energetic field. When someone can't respect mine and continually tries to lower my energetic frequency intentionally, I have found that I just remove myself. I send them love and I let them go. We are just operating at two entirely different frequencies for the growth process that we are experiencing at that time. 

One thing I have come to really understand is that people will come into our lives for a reason, then when their operational frequencies change, when they've (or I) have learned from that experience, then that relationship will end. Sometimes it ends for good. Sometimes they continue to grow and cross each other's path again in the future. This is a great way to see how much we have changed!

Original Post: 2/13/12

My Kind of Energy Vortex

It's awesome lately, as it's like being in a vortex when I hear words... they just "float" by, there is no attachment to them or affect. Words are just reflective, they carry their own vibration. I can "see" the vibration of the word & emotions as they swirl and pass by. 

It's hard to explain, but I understand it. :) I will do my best!

It's like stepping back and seeing the bigger picture and observing everything as it passes by. No longer needing to participate on a physical level. I "see" how I can send high vibrational thoughts to someone, so I no longer feel the desire to offer words in many occasions. If their vibrational level is really low (one of anger, guilt, blame, self-sabotage), stepping back and NOT participating doesn't feed into the physical world need of pulling others into that low energy field. I can observe, focus my high-vibrational thoughts and feelings of love and light and offer them so much more than I ever could on a physical-exchange-of-words situation. It allows me to help but on a much higher level. Wow!

In my place of perfections, peace and quiet and bliss is everything. There is no need for words.

Be back later, as typing right now is even a hindrance to what I am experiencing.

Original Post: 2/12/12

Spiritual Ethics & Integrity: (Especially Mentor Roles)

This is one that I will re-visit later, as this is a HUGE subject important to myself and other teachers/mentors that I have run across in the Spiritual community.

First, we are all students. No one is better than the next. We are one of one universal consciousness, just at different stages. The main thing a mentor/teacher can do is operate from a place of the highest integrity, ethics & honor. This includes mind/body/spirit. Pure thoughts, pure actions, respect for self/others & from a place of love for all spirits with intention to never to harm to another on this spiritual path while in a teacher role. Teachers/mentors only share their tools with others who come to them in order for both to learn and grow. For me, if I can't respect self & others to the utmost... then how is anyone else supposed to. 

Taking responsibility for myself and my actions is my responsibility. Making a conscious effort not to entertain low-vibrational thoughts or actions is my responsibility. Overcoming my issues was a huge part of this. Until I could and could learn to respect self & others and rise to a higher place on all levels, I had no business in a teacher role. :) Unresolved issues continued to interfere. Working to resolve these must be of the highest priority first. We can't truly help another until we help ourselves first.

• Mind: Pure thoughts, Positive Thoughts, Knowledge. Don't feed into low-end energies (fear, guilt, blame, anger, etc.) Our thoughts truly do affect everything! 
• Body: Treat my body with the utmost respect at all times. This includes food, supplements, exercise, and not subjecting it to anything that includes toxins (ie substances, medication, etc.) Holistic Health only. I also now am vegetarian/raw/organic with food. Purifying the body is just as important as purifying the mind & soul. 
• Spirit: Meditation, higher level of consciousness, etc. Feed my spirit to always be happy & honor it always!

We are not perfect, but we should strive to be the best that we can at all times. Our bodies are our temples, and we must treat them with respect if we expect them to return the favor. If I abuse my body with toxins, foods, alcohol, drugs, then it will return the same with illnesses. If I remain stuck in low-end emotional issues instead of embracing them & releasing them in order to grow, they will certainly keep me down with illnesses that manifest in the physical body. As I purge my emotional issues, so go my physical ones attached to them. It is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I am now illness free after a lifetime of poor health, physical & emotional disabilities. We can reverse our health. But we have to care enough & put forth the effort ourselves. No one can do this for us.

It is not up to me to determine if another is operating at a level of integrity that I feel acceptable. Karma will take care of this on its own. It is up to me to govern myself and remove myself from the energetic field of those who do not operate from a place that matches my exceptional vibrational frequency or higher. 

It took me a long time to come to this realization, as I operated out of trying to help others with theirs. I can lead by example, shining my light as bright as I can shine, and truly help those on a path of discovery, who take responsibility and ask me for guidance and help. ONLY until then is it my place to exchange energies with them, in a teacher/student role. Until then, I need to step back and allow them to experience their own experience, and it is not mine to interfere with by taking it upon myself! 

Each of us have to experience our own experiences, stumble, fall, or rise & grow. Sometimes it takes a massive crash & burn to get ones attention. I myself had to experience this one. Going to the lowest levels possible in order to begin to see a light, then I had to shed myself of sense of self & ego. I had to get out of my own way. I had to overcome the obstacles & blocks I created. I had to learn to appreciate the ability to connect to higher consciousness and start to grow, baby steps, until it became a welcomed way of life in this physical realm. Experiencing anything else is just not possible unless I allow myself to experience less, and even then it is still ultimately my responsibility.

If one is operating from a place of ill-intentions, that will be taken care of by the universe, and it is not mine. Mine is to help those who truly are in a place needing and wanting help, not to try to help those who have no intention of making a change or grow (yet). This applies in every situation thus far. We each determine this for ourselves. My field, my energy, my responsibility. I do not have to keep low-energies in my field. I will learn from it, for sure, but at some time, it is just time to move on to the next experience! Besides, when I am trying to help one who doesn't want help, then I am not available to help one that does. :) 

For the longest, I feared the consequences of "walking away" from low-end energies, as it was my "role" to help teach. What I didn't realize were the consequences are much higher if I don't. To me and to them. So now, I do what is right. There is no right for who, there is just right. It is not up to me to bring myself down to a level that they can match, it is up to them to raise theirs to match mine! It took me forever to get this one!!!!!!!

Being conscious & aware at all times of my own actions, operating at a level of highest integrity, pure thoughts, love and respect for self & others. Help those who seek help. Responsibility for self. Today, this is my role! :)

P.S. after this post, I went to do laundry & dishes. As I am "working" I am realizing that all of my responses on here & thoughts are physical realm thoughts/responses. I post physical world stuff, but again finally realizing that I need to continue to deal with these things on a level of consciousness that transcends the physical realm. I got the message like a year ago with another situation "You cannot solve this on an intellectual level". I went OH! So I removed myself from the situation/conflict in my brain and went to a higher level, calling in my guides for help & support. I sent my guides to talk to the other persons guides to do what was the best and highest good for all involved. Then I got the message "do not act, just wait. The situation will resolve itself". So at that point I went and took a shower (this is where I receive the majority of my information with clarity, or when driving), and when I got out of the shower the person I had conflict with had sent me an email resolving the situation for me! How awesome was that?! I have to remember a few things. When I have mental conflict, that it is my intellect/ego creating that conflict. If I step back and observe what it is I am "fighting" against, then I realize I had the answer the entire time, but that I just wasn't willing to listen." Sometimes it is easier to create chaos in our mind & in our lives than to do what we know we need to do. So realizing that, I had my answer. No more question, no more conflict, no more issue! I was letting my physical world mentality of my physical world obligations interfere with the higher consciousness answers of what to do. Sometimes physical world issues interfere with our ability to hear higher consciousness answers. When we look at what is actually priority, higher consciousness/spiritual lessons always dictate what should be done on the physical plane. As the higher consciousness/spiritual answers will ALWAYS be of pure light and love and for the best and highest good of all. It may not be the EASY answer, but it will always be the one we know as right. I have to remember that if I am unwilling to deal with a situation the way I know that I should, because of my physical world responses, then karmically it will ultimately come back to bite me in the butt or present itself again to resolve in my physical future. Do I really want to keep repeating these things? NO! So, I had my answer the entire time, I just wasn't willing to listen. Duhhhh! Another example of self-created chaos (mental, emotional or physical!)

Sorry to blab on & on, but much of the time just writing thoughts allows them to leave my brain so they don't keep circling round & round. Time to let them go and make space for nothingness! :) 

Original Post: 2/11/12

High Vibrational Frequencies: Self Healing

As I operate at a MUCH higher vibrational frequency these last few days (week), I have continued to experience a great shift in everything. It is truly phenomenal to experience.


I will try to share as much as I can as I notice:

• When we operate at a low frequency, we need constant protection. This can come in the form of having to put up a shield, mirror, white light, whatever works at the moment. When we operate at a severely high frequency, we no longer need to constantly "protect", as that frequency is our protection! Just to feel the need to protect tells us that we are not operating at a high enough frequency to shield off the things that "threaten" us. The goal is to reach that frequency on a regular basis and stay there. Constant need for protection indicates constantly operating at a low frequency and also indicates unhealed emotional wounds. Paying attention to those who can penetrate our energetic field helps us to determine what we need to focus on in working on healing in ourselves.
• Just this week, my body has started to "heal" itself at an exponential rate. A year ago I went through a huge shift where major, life-long crippling issues left me instantly and quickly. I am again experiencing the same experience, as I shift to a whole new level. This shift only happens when I operate at this high frequency. Medical issues that have caused me to be dependent on (holistic) supplements are healing all of a sudden in a matter of days. I have been dependent on MSM, Turmeric Extract & massive doses of Vitamin C every few hours for a year now. Granted, I have spent a year transitioning to a completely alternative health lifestyle of all vegetarian/raw/organic & natural supplements, purging my energetic field of everything toxic and in doing so, it appears that I have freed myself of majority of the toxins that kept me operating at a low level of pain & health issues. As we purge impurities from our life (mentally, physically, emotionally) we allow ourselves to grow in a way that we can't when we entertain low-frequency vibrational foods, relationships, thoughts, etc. In a matter of days, literally, all pain is gone, the need for the supplements & anti-inflammatories have decreased to almost nil! If I were not experiencing it (again), I could not believe it! I had been told, but of course, had to learn & go through the experience before I could truly comprehend. I have been working towards this, but it takes a lot of work and is out of our control how/when it happens. We have to make room for it to come in.
• My emotional issues continue to purge. Every time I experience a low-vibrational experience, my physical issues return. (Even ones from 20 years ago that had gone, return (but briefly, luckily, because I don't stay there long and I recognize it, own it & release it). What used to affect me physically forever is gone in a matter of days, which without a doubt just confirms that our emotional state/experiences truly dictate our physical health! All of the things caused by anger, guilt, sadness, whatever come and go as we allow those experiences into our energetic field. By maintaining a completely organic/raw/detox diet and a positive, clean, pure thought process I am able to continue to move forward when I am consciously always working to do for the greater and higher good (including me!).
• Life is so much more positive when all of that low-end stuff is no longer in our energetic field!

I had an experience recently where I was in a great place, but I had to be around a person whose intentions were not as pure. They led (intentionally or unintentionally) with their intrusive energy, with the intention of taking advantage, leaching energy, and had multiple health issues that had become part of their identity.  Every time I have interaction with this person by phone or in the same physical space I have an adverse reaction by picking up on their physical symptoms. It took me multiple experiences to figure out why though. My best tool was continually being aware and paying attention for the sole purpose of learning about how/why they were affecting me so that I could change things on my end to eliminate this problem in the future. I used to try to change the person. I now realize it is not mine to change them, but to worry about my space and what affects me. I can provide information and tools to try to help the person, but ultimately if they don't want to change, then I can only remove myself from their energetic field (permanently).  That was the case with this person. I attempted to subtly give them info, but they rejected it with everything they had. So, that told me they had no intention of dealing with their stuff. The reason no longer matters. That is their issue. I can only attempt to help those who truly want help. This person would ask for help then reject it when it was provided. That was part of their victim & energy leaching mode. Part of the game. I have no interest in games. Later after that person left, I got deathly ill. I ran a fever all night, took on all of the physical symptoms of this person's issues. But by the morning, my energetic field had purged all of the stuff they brought into that exchange and I was 100%. Truly awesome experience which taught me a multitude of things that if I had been in a completely different place and operating at a really low-vibrational frequency, I would have taken on their stuff for who knows how long, gone into savior mode and tried to save them, then gone into self-sabotage behavior & blame mode (me & them) when I couldn't save them, doomed to continue to repeat the same cycle over & over again. I AM learning!!! yay :)

People will try to dump their stuff on you, because it is just the laws of nature here. It is part of our test and growth processes. We all do it to each other (time to time). As we move past the need to participate in situations like that and move to a higher vibrational frequency, all of those "stupid" things (sorry, but it is true) just really don't matter. Who did what to who, why someone did something. Just really doesn't matter. As long as we feed into the physical realm mentality of blame, shame, fear, guilt it continues to pull our vibrational frequencies down in order to keep us in emotional states that don't benefit us (other than to grow & learn), cause us physical issues., and keep us prisoner and block us from moving forward to allow us to operate at a higher vibrational frequency on a regular basis. We cannot operate on a high frequency 24/7, as we have to deal with physical realm issues that lower our frequencies just in order to deal with them, but we can change the way we deal with them which helps us operate at a higher frequency more often!

Original Post: 2/5/12

There is No "But" in Trust

We either trust or we don't.  There is no "but" in trust.

In learning to trust & let go, this was a huge huge step for me. It took everything I had for so long, as how could I let go and just trust?  Then I started to realize that if I truly trusted, then "but" can't not be entertained.  

I hear this 24/7 from those around me saying, "I trust, but".  If it's followed by a but, then there is no trust. 

Unconditional also applies to trust. To trust is to let go of the need to control the outcome and accept things as being perfect exactly as they are.  To trust, doesn't mean to stop trying to do great things, it just means understanding & accepting things without the need to try to change them to suit our physical needs.  Do we still try to be our best, actually no.  Because if we are being true to higher self, we don't need to "try". We already are.  I think that is the difference.  

In trying, it means that we are not doing.  Do it.  What is so hard about doing?  

When we see the world as "out to get us" or "deceitful" or "dishonest", then that is a reflection of our own distrust of self.  Trust ultimately lies within.  When we don't feel we can trust, that means we ultimately don't trust ourselves. As if we did, another's actions would not matter.  Trusting in higher consciousness, mean being one and trusting self is the same as trusting another, as we all are of one consciousness, are we not?  If I know and trust that I am fine no matter what, then what another does doesn't affect me.  As I know that I have done the absolute best that I could do at all times.  The need to control goes away.  All I need is trust. The rest is exactly perfect as it is.

We create the scenarios that keep us victim and subject to crisis or chaos.  If we don't keep creating chaos, then it goes away. As we learn to trust our OWN judgement, then we learn to trust period. We create the world we live in.  Do we create a world of peace & trust or a world of distrust, manipulation, self-sabotage.  Do we try to control others actions to try to obtain the outcome we desire. If we do, then we are not connected as one and we don't have trust.  We can speak of trust intellectually, but the experience can't really be explained. As with true trust, there is no need to explain.  It just is.

Original Post: 1/28/12

Loss of Connection

Wow, it seems like years since I posted, and it's only been like 3 weeks.  Yay, I am back! :)

It's amazing how living in the physical interferes with our ability to connect when we "shift" to that left brain mentality to function.  It's also amazing at how many "issues" come back along with that.  

The last several weeks I picked up more website clients and boxed the apartment for a major move. Knowing this was part of my journey, I embraced it (mostly, lol) whereas in the past I fought it.

First the move: My entire life I have been the provider, the sole-supporter, not needing or wanting to depend on anyone.  I KNEW I would not let me down like everyone had in my life (I know better now, but that was how it was viewed in the past).  Then I got laid off (been working 24/7 since I was 13) and life took a whole new route.  At the time I could not see the blessing in losing my financial stability.  I started my crash-and-burn phase.  But it took crashing and burning for me to realize that money didn't matter, things didn't matter (actually they hold us back), and it brought all of my insecurities and issues to the forefront.  I had SO many of them, they owned me for awhile.  But it took going through that to come out on the other side.  It took knocking me on my independent butt to teach me to let go of my need for independence and all of those walls of strength that "protected" me. Being vulnerable didn't mean weak. It actually took strength to be vulnerable and not a victim. Moving meant depending on someone else. Wow, was that virtually impossible for the longest. But I did let go. I even fought letting go until I stopped to ask myself "what was I holding onto"? The fasad of stability, my apartment, my security. Things don't matter, and moving meant change. As physical beings, (especially control freaks) we don't do change well. But then I let go. And it was SO freeing. Wow, too bad I didn't do this years ago! :)

Dealing with the "stress" of organizing and being left brain/right brain to design websites, so took me out of the "connection loop" and I didn't realize how much I loved being connected until I couldn't. I stayed in the mode to get everything done on deadline (boy how I have changed from the meet-every-deadline control freak) by just going with the flow). I sooo prefer just going with the flow, but necessity didn't allow this during that time. So I started out my day with the "message" meant for me, and the day of the move was "patience". Through all "remember patience". Ok, no problem. Yeah right, easier said than done.  I tried, tried, tried... but as the glass and fragiles were to be moved, my freak-out side kept trying to rear it's ugly head. The higher level me knew that if they got broke, so what... who cares... it's just stuff.... but the physical mind was freaking out.  Then I wanted to get angry because someone didn't respect my stuff and were not as careful, I had to stop myself to say "what was I angry at?" If I really thought about it, the person meant so much more than the stuff, so why was I getting angry at the person over the stuff? That helped put things in perspective. Was it easy? No. Did I get upset and go into control freak mode during the move. Yep. Did I do better in the past. Definitely. Was I perfect? Nope, but the experience was exactly perfect because I learned from it. :) Did I make it through? Definitely!

Website Design Clients: I have struggled over the last few years trying to get my foot through the door and finally realized that as long as I stay true to honor and integrity and self, treat others with respect, change the way I deal with challenging situations and do the very best I can to help another (as it really doesn't cost me anything, does it?) then those who are meant to come will. When it is time, it will be. So again, I let go of those challenging situations of the past that kept me "stuck" and low-and-behold LITERALLY the same day I got two new clients. Little did I see that the resistance to step away from a "safe" yet challenging situation that I knew I needed to step away from, until I did that, the door would not open for the new things to come my way. Again, my own resistance was my block. So now, as long as my basic needs are met (roof over my head, minimal groceries, health needs), then I will continue to do from my heart to help others and in return I will be treated with the same respect and honor that I live my life by.  :) Now, sometimes I have to say no, because it is their journey or path to learn something on their own, and them becoming dependent on me does not help them, BUT when it does not create an unhealthy dependence and it helps another, what do I care if I share a gift or knowledge that I have to help another? If more gave freely and without an expectation of return, this would be a much happier place. :)

Regardless of how I spend my days, I can choose to enjoy them or dread them. I so choose to enjoy every experience, regardless of what it is. As there is always a reason and a lesson. I choose how I view things. Re-programming my thoughts from the low end thoughts that I was so used to was part of my journey. I had carried on the thought processes that I was raised with. It was time to change that. Those thoughts were someone else's. Those standards of perfection and failure were now standards I imposed on myself. Those behaviors were ones I created. I choose what I create.  I choose to accept everything as exactly perfect. Failure is only something never attempted or tried, as the outcome is exactly as it is supposed to be. Expectation breeds disappointment (or pleasure), but we tend to focus on the disappointments/failures... until we realize all of those expectations, failures, punishments, etc are self-imposed. The person who put it in our head to start with, no longer is in control unless we remain submissive to those thoughts.  Freeing self from low-end though processes and forgiving others and self frees us from the control that we so try to escape from to start with. Hmmmm. :)

Original Post: 1/26/12

Increased Awakening: Higher Consciousness

I am not sure what is going on with me "physically", but it seems that I am going through a higher level of awakening.  The last time I experienced "this" was the weekend of my "original" awakening. (I now realize this was my consciousness continuing to raise).

Psychically, my crown chakra blew open while my Kundalini rose.  It was truly a very "obvious" experience (once I understood it later).  I am re-experiencing those same experiences again, almost a year to the date of the last experience. Hmmmm.  Didn't get that until I typed it.

My awareness is severely heightened.  I spent the morning in a fog, before I started to realize everything.  I was not grounded one bit.  I had a phone interview and wasn't sure how I was going to manage that!  I had to shower to help ground, which is usually where I go to "connect", but not this time.  I got grounded, did the call (had experiences with that also), then it started again.  I asked for clarity during that time and it's like I was given clarity just that long, then poof, gone. lol

The frequencies in my head have been getting louder & higher all day.  It's exhausting to listen to 24/7. I have tried to "calm them down", but doesn't seem to be within my control.  I have grounded several times, or I would not even be able to stand up.  I can "feel" hands on my head every so often.  Such a strange experience, but I also know it's all ok, so I embrace it and go with it.  Earlier almost felt like a "download" into my head.  

I know this will sound like I am crazy bonkers to some... this is definitely an experience you have to experience to understand.  The first time I experienced this I actually thought I was bonkers too.  It takes some getting used to, that's for sure.  I've "felt" this was coming all week.  Just a "knowing" as with most everything now.  

I may not totally understand it all, but I know it is supposed to be.  So I will go with it, and we shall see!  More later, that's for sure. :) Night all!

Namaste'

Original Post: 1/5/12

Deja Vu

I am having the weirdest case of Deja vu tonight.  I've done this before, but this time seems different.


The one time I did this that I recall vividly, I was at work and an "experience" with the room started and I remember thinking "I've experienced this before, seen this before".  It was so strange.  I watched and knew every conversation that was about to take place, every person's move that would change, when a person was to enter the room.  Everything slowed down and went in slow motion.  It seemed like it went on for 15 minutes, but looking back now it probably only lasted a few seconds or a minute or two.  I was completely in shock.


Tonight I have been trying to study, with interruption after interruption.  As I study, I check off the questions with a highlighter upon completion.  This course, I had not even taken the binder clip off this course yet... 


I've been reading and I keep thinking "I've read all of this before".  But I keep reading, thinking I am a bit crazy.  I pull the question/answer page and read the question and think "I've read this question before".  Yet again, a bit crazy.... so I kept going.  Needless to say this goes on for awhile, then I get several pages into it and start to realize that "somehow" I have "read" all of this before and I "know all of the answers" prior to "reading" any of this.  Now, I have experienced this before with my coursework, but not to this magnitude.  


Usually, just prior to starting a course, I will pull it and read the title.  I start to "receive" information or start "drawing" words (I automatic write when I channel or whatever).  Never before ever doing research on these specific topics and half of the time not knowing anything about the topic at all or even really what it is, I start "writing" information that is contained in the course.  It's become "normal" for me.


When I started studying these courses, I found myself reading the questions and "knowing" the answers prior to reading the section.  Never before studied this stuff, didn't "know" the information contained in the course, intellectually no knowledge I would ever have access to prior, but I knew all the answers.  Then I started realizing I "knew the content" prior to reading it.  


It's all just become a game to me now, just to see what new experience I will have with the next course.


I have realized that this is why I "knew" all the answers on the test in school when I was growing up & why I did so good in school.  I always "knew" the answers, unless I second guessed myself or I studied.  Both of those would result in me not doing well at all.  But to just hand me a test and me to show up, I aced everything I was given.  Hmmmmmm........ 


Original Post: 1/2/12

A Gift is for Sharing

A Gift is exactly that.  A Gift.  It can't be purchased or even taught.  It can be shared though.

I have many gifts.  They change, grow, expand...depending on where I am in my journey.  I didn't always consider them gifts though.  I used to view them as curses.  They hindered my life.  They overwhelmed me.  I didn't understand them and frankly, wasn't in a good place to deal with them. They owned me.  But as I started to learn, to understand, to clear myself of the heavy energies and blockages that interfered with my functioning to fullest potential, all of that started to change.  But I had to change me.  I had to let go of all of the "stuff" that weighed me down.  In every aspect of my life/being (physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally/materialistically, etc.).

Someone made the comment "A gift cannot be taught".  That was absolutely perfect!  We can teach people how to remove the obstacles, how to free themselves, how to connect... but ultimately we don't control such things.  We access them.  The level of access is up to the spiritual individual's capacity to connect.  Trust is a HUGE part, if not the most important.  Without it, we don't access to our full potential.  We miss things.  We receive information, but if we are not paying attention or are shut down, it is always out of reach. 

One topic that is constantly debated is the financial exchange for something like this.  I have learned a lot in this area and am sure I will learn more.  This one was a particularly hard one for me.  

As energetic healers, I think most all of us give freely the majority of the time and anywhere we can. We give from our heart.  We never stop "working" as it is 24/7 with something like this.  Unfortunately, in the physical world we have to pay bills, survive financially, make enough to help more people.  I have also learned how not charging creates an unequal exchange energy.  The energy healers give on every level each time they heal.  Granted, what we get back is also healing in return.  But, too much giving creates an imbalance on many levels, including physically.  For many, the only way that they can afford to help others is to charge an equal exchange.  I don't personally know many energy healers who do this to get rich or have succeeded in getting rich.  That is far from why we do this.  Granted, there are many who have turned it into a business, and I say, more power to them, if they continue to help people and don't turn away those in need in the process.  There always has to be a way to help those who can't afford it and also help those who can.  Basically, if someone is going to tap into their energetic gifts to help another with something that can ultimately help them in a way that they could not have gained elsewhere (and let's face it, if someone seeks you out, then they usually need/desire something), then I feel an equal exchange is fair.  We give of ourselves on every level.  Many of us live on very little means so that we can help another.  It's basically a bartering system of energy.... some give with money, others gift with something else.  For those seeking an energy healing service, unable to heal themselves, then much of the time the only thing that they do have to exchange IS financial.  We all help each other out.  We utilize our resources and gifts to help another.  None of us are rich financially, but we are definitely abundant in love for each other and other wonderful things.  This is what is most important.  

Teaching classes & workshops is yet another exchange where physical world value is placed upon the education/information received.  Basically, if we all did not teach because we couldn't charge, then how would anyone come to learn the things we so seek to know? Again, not preferred, but necessary.  

For me, keeping my motives, intentions & actions pure and always giving back is a way for me to keep moving forward.  Those with anything less are governed by a higher power and abuse of such gifts can be cause for them to lose so much more in the end or along the way.  We all serve a purpose in everything that we experience and do.  We can never lose site or forget what is right and important.  As soon as we interfere with our path or another, when we start forget people and put other things first, when we become selective in who we help for any reason... then we have lost sight of the higher good.  When we stray from our path something will always happen to knock us upside the head to give us a chance to make it right.  I choose to stay on the path, to always do good... I don't need that 12x12 as much anymore to learn such dramatic lessons! I've crashed and burned.  It's necessary sometimes, but I definitely don't plan on doing a repeat again in order to learn my lessons. I got it last time!!!  Thank You. ♥

It is also no longer my responsibility to govern another's motives with what they do with what I teach.  I used to be so hung up on this one.  But who am I to decide?  When I even begin to think that I have the right to make that determination, I have lost the reason as to why I ultimately have access to these gifts.  It is my responsibility to teach/share to the best of my ability the things I have access to.  If that person chooses to ignore the gift they have received, then that is their choice.  The control I have is only to share it,  not to govern what they do with it.  Some choose to "cast it aside", because it is not what they wish to hear at that moment.  Who knows... maybe later they will reflect and remember and utilize it. Some have the idea that they can take a gift and abuse it or use it for harm.  Karmically, this one gets taken care of.  It still is not up to me.  But if I withhold it, if I try to determine who or what is deserving, then I totally have to disconnect from source to feel that I am worthy of making such a decision.  I believe that if that person is meant to get it, use it, learn it, share it, then it will happen exactly as it is meant to.  If they don't... then it is not time.  One thing I have learned is paths are already set.  Lessons are already chosen.  My role is to share my gifts with as many as I can and those that are meant to receive them will come across my path.  I don't discriminate.  I don't care if you have college degrees or are indigent.  I don't care about your hair or appearance.  When I look at people, I don't see status or physical anything. I see energy.  I connect with that energy to share what is meant to be shared.  Each time it is different.  If nothing happens, then it is obviously not meant to be.  It is not time.  If it does, then I allow it.  It is not mine to protect or keep to myself.  Gifts are for giving.... otherwise they would not be gifts.

Original Post: 1/1/12

Freeing Self: Embracing Spirit

As I watch the world go by at a slower pace (this is what happens when I step back from the chaos & don't take part, just observe)... things slow down so I can actually "see". Being caught in the chaos, we get caught up in that energy of confusion, fear, control.... we participate even when we don't realize it.  So, I step back.  I observe.  I choose not to participate.  It is actually quite refreshing!

Time gets distorted, as chaos causes things to spin out of control so fast that we lose our grip.  Then our control issues, or need to try to hang on, kick in and we run in faster circles... to what end?  

The illusion of control is fascinating.  It is the opposite of trusting.  I choose trust.  But it took a long time to get to that point.  Easy to say, but not as easy to do (or is it?).

First, I had to get over myself.  I had to learn that I had no control.  Yet again, another perception that I needed to feed to feel "good".  I didn't understand that I didn't feel "good".  It was my perception of safety.  If I could control it, everything could be perfect, right? Things would go the way I wanted/needed.  Yeah... right. lol  As soon as I learned to let go of control, get out of my way, trust... things started to go/flow perfectly.  It was only when I interfered that things got messed up.  Wow, that took a lot to digest.  But then again, that was my ego that I needed to feed.  Lack of control is not failure.  Lack of control is not losing anything. Letting go of control allowed me to pay attention to other things; The little things in life that I normally would have missed because I was so focused on the things that didn't matter.  

Now, I wake up and immediately breathe in a deep breath and enjoy it.  Now I get up & look out the window and am thankful for the sun, or the trees, or the wind, or the rain.  Doesn't matter, because I am just thankful.  I pay attention to "people" as I pass them on the street.  Before I was too "busy".  My brain was in the past or the future, not in the present.  Now I release my brain, my thoughts from needing to think about the past, as that serves no purpose (other than to learn from experiences).  I do not focus on the outcome of anything, for if I am living here & now, doing what I need to do, enjoying every moment.... I realize I actually don't control the future.  Am I perceptive enough to "see" it?  Only if I don't try.  When I try, my intellect gets in the way.  Just "being" allows me the access to all of the information I need.  In order to connect to spirit, higher-self, whatever... I have to let go.  I have to just "be".

I hear people say (I used to do this too!), I want to grow my abilities.  I wanna see.  I want to "know".  I am "trying".  That is exactly the problem.  As long as we are thinking, trying... we can't.  We have to disconnect from self, to go to that place.  For me, I have to connect with my heart.  The more love I feel for people, the more I help another, the more I am true to self (integrity, honor, respect, honesty), the more I am able to connect.  For others it may be different.  This is what works for me.  I don't "try" to do anything.  I do the opposite.  I let go, connect to and open my heart & let it flow.

letting go of all judgment of others & self, total acceptance of others and self... it can be done.  We just have to make a conscious effort to override what is "easy & natural" when we don't possess these things so that we can!  Repeated, continual, every moment of every day... being conscious of our words and thoughts.  But being conscious is not enough.  Actually recognizing, owning & changing them.  That is where the difference lies.  I can be aware, but if I say "oh well, tomorrow"... I hold on to that same mentality that got me there to start with.  Procrastination is fear of failure or success... "it's too hard"... no, that is perception.  We create our own perceptions.   

Happy New Year Everyone!  Embrace yourself ~ Treat others with respect & love at all times.  The biggest obstacles are our biggest teachers and can be the most rewarding.  But if we stand in our way, we will never know.  Allow yourself to be happy, to love, to live....

Original Post: 12/31/11