Multi-Dimensional Experiences

A very appropriate day to post about "leaping" or "traveling" on Leap Day!

Over the last several weeks, I have been experiencing the most lucid, vivid dreams. I have started a new dream journal and set my intention before I sleep to be given the information that serves the highest & best good for all, to remember what I am to remember, and to receive information to help me. 

I also wake up very early usually now (much different from the reversed day/night person a year ago that slept, but needed to so my body could heal all of my chronic issues, which are now gone!) except lately I wake up in the middle of a phenomenal dream so I choose to go back to sleep to continue the experience & to "work" within my dreams.

This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up, confused, in the middle of a phenomenal dream of just healing & love... didn't know what day it was, didn't care... so I chose to go back to sleep to "continue" and see where it went.  An hour and a half later I just opened my eyes & was "done". 

When I awoke, eyes wide open, I was in the middle of an "experience" of being led by a "man" who was teaching me about the "group" and how to use them to "travel through time & dimensions" and to use this for healing. "It's easy" he said as he kept walking in a forward motion & giving me "steps" to accomplish this "easy" thing. I get it, but I don't know how to explain it yet. I have to go back, pull back the information and decypher what I was given to be able to apply it. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to allow myself to "experience" it for now. So we shall see. 

I knew I was being "taught" and knew to pay attention. There were some other key "points" that I notice but don't understand yet. Going to delve further and see what I find.

So many wonderful experiences lately. The biggest is to pay attention & to trust. The only obstacles I have are the ones I create or allow!

Original Post: 2/29/12

Our Distorted Ego as a Protection Tool

Obviously, I write as I begin to understand certain things, receive certain thoughts or even work through things I get until I "get" them. This is one of those posts.

The Ego as our protection. If the ego forms to protect us, then wouldn't it stand to reason that the more trauma, the more our ego feels the need to protect? If that is the case, with extreme trauma, our ego goes into "distortion" mode and actually reverses. It starts to see things with a distorted view. It "perceives" normal things as threats, invoking fear. So when there is tons of "those things" (i.e. the news or lots of negativity) it goes into hyper-drive. It perceives what others see as "normal" as a threat. So it kicks into self-protection mode... extreme fear, extreme "you can't succeed", extreme negativity, extreme everything? Forego the lows & highs.... extreme lows when it goes to one extreme, extreme highs when it is not in protective mode? When we feel "safe", it goes the complete opposite direction? Isn't this what anxiety, depression, bi-polar are? As we dissolve the "protection" features (not the ego itself, but the protection mechanism/need it possesses) and bring it back into alignment with self-acceptance, that we have nothing to fear, that that is self-created, many of those "disorders" also dissipate. Hmmmmm.... 

I have talked to so many (including myself) who suffered from severe "mental" disorders such as overwhelming anxiety, bi-polar, extreme depression.... and through dealing with the demons that we have suppressed all of our years that caused our ego to feel the need to "protect" us (but by having complete distortion it went into crazy hyperdrive) our psychological issues grew from just a little bit of a problem to massively out of control.

As I dealt with the fears associated with my past and worked really hard to stop listening to the distortion of protection the anxiety went away (among many other things). I was severely agoraphobic, unable to leave my apartment to even go to the grocery store, or open the blinds. It was too overwhelming. I was stricken by fear but had no idea why. There was no one thing I feared. Maybe all the years of trauma just finally got the best of my ego and it decided to go into overdrive to protect me? As I worked through the actuality of the traumas, released myself & others from blame, took responsibility, forgave self & others, the need for my ego to protect me started to diminish. And day by day it "quietened down" so that it was no longer dominant, but rather docile, in its existence. It's still there, and it kicks in every time I perceive a threat. The difference is that my perception has completely changed. I don't perceive threats any longer. By coming into perfect alignment, everything is balanced and I no longer have extremes.

A couple of examples:

I have watched those who watch the new incessantly to keep "up to date" on the activities of the world. Those who have severe trauma in their background where issues have not resolved, feed into the hate & discontent, fear-based, conspiracy theories that literally EVERYTHING involves. Now, I am not saying that they are not there, all I am saying is that the "normal" brain hears these things and dismisses them. The distorted mind/ego takes these things and "runs" with them into every "theory" of awfulness that they can create. The pain & anger alone deriving from just watching the news can create the news "junkie" looking for an "emotional" fix but can actually further damage their psyche if it is not in balance. 

I don't watch the news or read the newspaper. This used to be because it was too overwhelming. Now it's just because I choose not to feed into the lower-vibrational thought frequencies that feed this level of consciousness. The more thoughts (energy), the more strength this vibration has. I prefer to connect on a higher consciousness level and contribute to the positive and healing thoughts & mass of consciousness that is working to change/heal the world. 

Question: If mine (and everyone's) thoughts manifest instantly into the mass consciousness and our reality, then what thoughts are being entertained, manifesting as our reality and which mass consciousness are we contributing to on a daily/hourly/daily basis? I am connecting to a much higher level every day as I continue to grow & release all of those old thought patterns that were learned & formed to create the reality that kept me in fear, can't accomplish, not good enough, everyone will hurt or betray you mode.... 

Now I actually have a hard time accessing any of those thought processes except to "study" and learn from as they are no longer a part of my consciousness level. I can look at them and see them, but I don't feel them anymore. I can recognize them, but they no longer own me or control me. It truly is awesome. It does take alot of work to be fully aware 24/7, but eventually IT becomes normal and all of those low-end thoughts that fed our distorted world are released and repalced with peace, love, perfection, honesty, forgiveness and just pure bliss! 

More later.... just thinking with my fingers.... :)

Original Post: 2/14/12

Ego Detox: Funerals

Recently we had a "funeral" for a friend who's relationship had ended with her boyfriend and she wasn't able to "put it to rest" and end it in her head. It helped, but ultimately the "work" was up to her, but the process of the funeral allowed her to speed up the process a bit. What could have lingered on for months, only went on for a few weeks (then on & off for a couple months) until she could come to a place of acceptance. We actually wore all black, had her write a eulogy, "bury" stuff that released her from the attachment.... and so forth. It was actually very liberating for her!

Death of the Ego is much of the same. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to check ourselves into a center where we could dextox quicker from the addiction of our ego? Or to be able to have a funeral to put it to rest when we are having trouble letting go?

Now you know my brain is in crazy mode, but hey.... I think it, I write it. Sometimes it can be fun! :)

Original Post: 2/13/12

Exercise in Thought

Quick exercise: Think of one person who urks you the very most, gets under your skin the most, irritates you the most... can cause a reaction in you the quickest, strongest..... now, what quality in them do you dislike (or worse) the most? Now look within yourself and find that quality. 

It is the things in others that affect us the most that are a reflection of the things we like least about ourselves! Otherwise, we would not care!

Original Post: 2/13/12

Saving Self: No Longer Focused on Another

My entire life I have been the one to "save" others from themselves or situations. Fixing them. It was my purpose in life (it appears!) BUT, little did I realize that the more I tried to save another, the more I needed saving. As it was ME that needing fixing and saving and no amount of fixing someone else was going to do THAT!

Being focused on THEIR issues,, THEIR problems kept me not focused on MY issues or MY problems. Once I learned to stop worrying about saving the world in that aspect, I started to SEE my own stuff more clearly.  First, there was nothing WRONG with me. I just needed to learn to have more respect for myself, love myself, feel that I was worthy, and be true to myself. Most of all I had to trust myself. On the outside for others looking in, I was the epitamy of strength. Little did I know that the "stronger" I was, the more walls I had, the more issues I also had. Those walls of strength meant I felt I needed to protect myself. Protect myself from others, but most of all from myself. The more walls, the more there is to break through when going through this process of growth. The bigger the "ego" the harder we fall. It's ok, as it only had to be as hard as I made it. And believe me, I made it really hard. But it taught me more than I could have learned any other way. Let's just say there was no "ease & grace" in my fall from "way up there in my ego-world of strength". 

I also had to go through like a million step program in the "death of my ego". I had to argue with it, get angry at it, quit talking to it, blame it, distrust it, disown it, fear it, beg it not to leave me, chastise it, throw it against the wall several times, grieve it (bigtime), learn to love it, separate from it, forgive it, accept it, take responsibility for it, get angry at it a few times more and finally understand that I really don't have a place for it anymore and LET IT GO! Does it still try to interfere, take over, run things, create fear & distrust, make me confused? Yes, but now I recognize it, thank it and let it go (much easier than before!) But that too takes conscious effort 24/7 when it has been such a prevalent force in our lives. It doesn't like to be abandoned. So I don't abandon it, I just don't entertain it when it doesn't support me in a positive way!

So fast forward.... as I have worked through my issues, embraced them for the lesson they were meant to teach me, and learned to let them go, one by one... I have come to "see" that I no longer see the need to fix another, save another.... because I no longer need to fix me or save me.  I have come to a place to just "be" and that is exactly perfect. In doing so though, I now can access on a totally different level that ability to heal another. I no longer heal by fixing. I heal just by being. 

Original Post: 2/13/12

We Create Our Own Reality

Lately I have been reflecting on "my reality" and I what I have been creating for me, past/present/future. I no longer look at my past as a "victim" of anything. I see it as something I chose to learn from, and so from that standpoint, I can then ask "what did I learn?".  If I "get it" then I have learned. If I don't, then well, sure that one will come around again! Even though I can intellectually look at each situation and "pick it apart", that is not really learning. That is my ego trying to understand, place blame, whatever.... because if I go into that mode, I truly didn't learn. Learning is "feeling" it in my heart. Really getting it. It's not about what someone did to me, it's what I got from it. Technically no one can "do" to us, as we do to ourselves and look to them to blame. Mine is mine 100%!

Now, that being said, in current situations, I have to look at them and ask myself "why am I experiencing this and what am I to learn"? What I might get today, might be an even bigger lesson tomorrow (and it usually is). If I am "caught" in a situation, I have to ask, "why do I allow this?". What part of me "needs" this? And what need am I feeding? Once I realize the dysfunctional reason as to why I would subject myself to "that", I can start to change it. It is not about the other person. It is that I allow this other person or situation to affect me. Some are positive exchanges. Some are not. It's up to me to decide (and change) the ones that no longer serve the higher good for all involved.  So, from that standpoint, that includes ME in the higher good. If I can't say that this is something that benefits me, then why would I continue to participate or allow that exchange. Then I have to determine if it was to "help" another. Ok, maybe so. But am I really helping another if I am feeding into the dysfunction? NO. So, it no longer comes about reacting to anyone or anything. It is finally taking my own power back, stopping anything that doesn't contribute to mine or another's growth process and removing myself from that situation with love. I can always love self and others, without participating in contributing to the dysfunction or behaviors contributing to that situation. I actually cause more harm to self & others by staying in that type situation. It used to be hard for me to stand up for myself, as I felt guilty. Yet another reason that kept me involved in low-end situations. Now I can see the bigger picture and can actually step back and see that at some point in time there has to be an end. Sometimes it is hard for the other person to understand that, but THEIR need to hold on, to keep me involved on the level that I previously participated is their issue and their own growth process. For me, I have to do what is right for all involved. Is there an equal exchange of positive energy for all in that situation? Am I contributing to the growth process by enabling another. NO.

On another note, I have seen a definite change in myself and those I draw to myself based upon my vibrational level at that time in my growth process. There has been a huge change (in a wonderful way)! That is another thing, paying attention to my vibrational frequency in every situation, around people. If I am operating at a really high vibrational frequency and a situation or person enters my energetic field and causes that to drop dramatically, that alone tells me instantly that I need to change the frequency or remove myself from what drags my frequency down. There are people who subconsciously or consciously try to pull another's vibration down to match theirs. Others operate by manipulating the energy of those they come into contact with. By recognizing it I no longer have the desire or need to allow that to affect my energetic field. When someone can't respect mine and continually tries to lower my energetic frequency intentionally, I have found that I just remove myself. I send them love and I let them go. We are just operating at two entirely different frequencies for the growth process that we are experiencing at that time. 

One thing I have come to really understand is that people will come into our lives for a reason, then when their operational frequencies change, when they've (or I) have learned from that experience, then that relationship will end. Sometimes it ends for good. Sometimes they continue to grow and cross each other's path again in the future. This is a great way to see how much we have changed!

Original Post: 2/13/12

My Kind of Energy Vortex

It's awesome lately, as it's like being in a vortex when I hear words... they just "float" by, there is no attachment to them or affect. Words are just reflective, they carry their own vibration. I can "see" the vibration of the word & emotions as they swirl and pass by. 

It's hard to explain, but I understand it. :) I will do my best!

It's like stepping back and seeing the bigger picture and observing everything as it passes by. No longer needing to participate on a physical level. I "see" how I can send high vibrational thoughts to someone, so I no longer feel the desire to offer words in many occasions. If their vibrational level is really low (one of anger, guilt, blame, self-sabotage), stepping back and NOT participating doesn't feed into the physical world need of pulling others into that low energy field. I can observe, focus my high-vibrational thoughts and feelings of love and light and offer them so much more than I ever could on a physical-exchange-of-words situation. It allows me to help but on a much higher level. Wow!

In my place of perfections, peace and quiet and bliss is everything. There is no need for words.

Be back later, as typing right now is even a hindrance to what I am experiencing.

Original Post: 2/12/12