I have changed everything in my life. The reasons for changing in different areas are different reasons, but it all comes together to one understanding. I used to be so overwhelmed by low-end energies. Pain was one of the worst. Security issues (lower back). Anger. Depression. Betrayal & deceit. I could tune into these from miles away. I began picking up on those I was connected to from across the U.S. or even in different countries. If there was a fight or a major trauma, I could pick up on it. Sometimes I knew who it was. If it was a catastrophic event (earthquake, Tsunami, etc.) the energy was different, but I knew it was earth related and huge. I could zone into their heartache and would just take it away from them if I could. Not realizing how much detriment I was doing to myself.
I began to understand that the reason I was always around that low-end energy, was because that was what I was attracting. Until I healed those areas in me, I would continue to do so.
I have many things to contribute to my growth. There is not just one thing. I see how people/things/experiences have come into my life for a reason so that I could learn and grow. I've had several teachers, did neurofeedback, my empath & intuitive group, Reiki Certification classes... so many things. They all played a part & I am thankful for every one of them. Ultimately I had to be ready to embrace the change. The roller coaster ride that I would embark on was just the beginning, but definitely necessary.
I've been like this my entire life, but I did not understand it. I thought everyone could read minds as people walked by in the mall. A past time for me was "reading people" as they passed... totally "normal" in my world. I had a "dark figure" that sat in the corner of my room night after night. It had no face, just a figure. I was so young, it scared me to death. I would sit, holding my breath, muttering "what do you want". Or at least I tried to mutter. I don't know if they were just in my thoughts or the words actually seeped out in silence. I had an "old man" run across in front of my vehicle one night on the way home & I freaked out. I thought I hit someone, but there was no jolt & he was "see-thru". I would not understand my "gifts & differences" until the last few years.
I shut it down by becoming a work-a-holic, logical thinker, perfectionist. I do remember everything coming to me "naturally"... knowing the answers and how to do things no one else could comprehend. My biggest problem was I was in "savior" mode & kept picking up people with the most problems to try to "rescue" them, much to my own detriment, but again necessary for me to grow.
Then around 2007, I had an "experience" that made me realize I could do things most saw as crazy. I knew events before they happened. I saw them in my dreams or got a feeling/knowing prior to. One week, while working for a law firm, my son who was in the Marines and deployed to Iraq had returned stateside to his base. He was several states away and they "ground" them to base for like 10 days then he would come home to visit with family/friends and take leave. He had told me he was going to wait to take leave and come home later when things calmed down. The entire week I kept hearing "he's coming home"... this went on daily... I ignored it. Then while folding towels I got "my son is here"... a minute later "bang, bang, bang" goes the front door. I said "open the door, that's my son!". We opened the door and my son said "surprise!!!!!". I said "I knew you were coming and here". "Yeah right mom"... "I didn't tell you so I could surprise you" he said.... little did he know.
I think the relationship that I was in at that time caused me to open back up. It was a very traumatic relationship & what he put me through caused me to go back into that mode of experiencing trauma that I had been able to shut out with 1000 walls up to that time. I also had taken a job with a non-profit, working with the indigent and people in need and it caused me to have to access a side of me that I had shut down. I actually loved working with people again. It was very full-filling and rewarding to help those who genuinely needed and appreciated it. I was working with families during adoptions, babies in the NICU unit, unwed moms trying to keep their kids, people with mental illnesses, battered moms, kids that "cut" and I got to pull from my experiences to help someone else for a change.
After I escaped that marriage/relationship, I got involved with a few people.... one was an empath & he was strange! But, he made me come to understand for the first time why I was so different. I was with him for 2 confusing months. I kept picking up on all of these emotions that I could not get a grip on. I felt one way, then would feel another, then get these thoughts and nothing made sense. I did not suffer from depression, yet I felt depressed. I "knew" he was using me and kept asking him if he was happy and he would say yes, but I would get no in my head. Nothing matched up. Then one day I got in the shower and the flood gates opened. I cried & cried & when it was over got "he needs to go now". I got dressed, he came through the door "I have a job interview this afternoon".... "no you don't, you are packing and leaving today". "What?". Yep, get your stuff and let's go. I was moving the next day and only an idiot would kick the 6'3" guy out with the muscles who was supposed to help me move all my heavy furniture, but it was more important that he leave. I took him & dropped him off to catch a train back to the state he came from & as soon as he got out of my vehicle, the energy lifted and it was like I could breathe again. It had been him the entire time. Woah! Funny, we had the exact same birth month & day.
I looked for a group to help me deal as I was so overwhelmed, I was truly at the end of my rope. I was picking up on everyone. I could not go to the grocery store anymore. Too many people. All those thoughts and low-energies. I couldn't function in daylight anymore, too much crazy chaotic energy... so I reversed my days/nights. I stayed up all night & went to the store at night and slept during the day. Only way I could get by. I found a group and it was like finding my way home. People who understood me & actually made sense. This distorted world of psychics, empaths, intuitives, seeing the future, feeling other people.... you name it, it all made sense. That was the beginning of my whole new world.
I will fast forward to close, and re-visit the "in-between" later if it feels appropriate. Suffice it to say that my whole world has evolved to a level I never imagined. It took me a little over a year to crash & burn (literally). I think I had to hit bottom to get all of that to come to the surface, as I had put up so many walls & buried it so deep that was the only way to access it. Everyone's journey is different.
When I speak of anything, I have to have experienced it to understand it. So if I say that we draw negative energies to us, or we seek out to save, or anything... it is not a judgment comment, it is a comment from my own experiences. I can not even claim to understand or comprehend unless I have been there. Those things I study and learn from a book, benefit me or compliment my own experiences. The rest, I could give two hoots about at this current time. Later, when I need to access that information, I will have it though.
Two major things in my growth process: Reiki Level I, II, III/Teacher Certification classes. I took the first "round" to grow. I kept taking them until I could actually "connect" with Reiki, but this opened me up to the love & energy I needed to let go. The other was finding the University of Metaphysical Sciences. The coursework is phenomenal. It teaches you to look inward and the information gained in their curriculum is first rate. I highly recommend it to anyone on this path. I have always hated studying, but I love my coursework and have learned so much on a spiritual level since starting with them.
I have found that people come & go in my life as I grow. I finally learned that this was not because there was something wrong with me, like I thought for many years. I had resigned myself to just being alone, as I seemed happier without people in my life. But, I now understand that everyone & everything serves a purpose... a lesson... they come to teach me & me them, then they go. I no longer look at a failed relationship (friends/loves/whatever) as a failure, but yet that it has served its purpose for what we were to learn & it is time to move on. I now look at everything as "what can I learn/teach" and keep going. Everything is a learning experience. Learning is 24/7. It never ends. :)
In closing, I now operate at such a higher frequency. I can "detect" those lower vibrations/frequencies, but they no longer own me. I can feel the vibration in foods, words, thoughts, colors, everything! It is so cool. I have cut out all meats (gone vegetarian, raw food, organic, etc). and am so so so much healthier and lighter (in spirit & in weight). I have more to lose, but as I ascend & grow & raise my vibration, respect nature and everything, purify my life, my body, my thoughts.... everything comes into alignment and the weigh drops off.... I no longer say low-energy swear words... I can "feel" the low energy of what they do.... I don't even think them as a rule. Thoughts really do vibrate at different levels. Low end thoughts make us feel yucky, whereas high end thoughts make us happy and make us respect ourselves and others. We don't want to self-sabotage or hurt anymore. There is no need. I now respect myself, my body, my spirit.... and they return the favor by providing me with those things I need every moment of every day! Awesome :)
Original Post: 12/25/11
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